Kids. What's the first thing that pops into your head when you hear that word??
Do you think of screaming and fighting, little feet running, laughter and joy, late night movies, nurturing a sick child, rocking a baby to sleep, or trips to the park? Do you think of calm or chaos? Happiness or stress? A combination of both?
Your opinion most likely has to do with the situation you came from, or have been around, or have seen on TV. Right?
Well... somehow, despite my past and experiences... I think of joy. I think of little smiles and quirks, little shoes and dresses and overalls... messed up hair that somehow still looks perfect... big round watchful eyes... a chance to teach and to nurture. A chance to mold a human beings character before the world corrupts them. A chance to change the world!
Even though I'm young... I can't WAIT to have kids. It used to be the opposite, I used to say "NO WAY! I have too much to do with my life, that would just ruin my plans!" or "No I'm terrified I'd be an awful parent." or, "what if they end up hating me?"
Natural fears. But who says I can't do all the things I dream of doing with a kid? Uh... Iunno. I could backpack across country with a kid on my back!! Get a babysitter... Something!
And no parent is going to be perfect.
But since I'm the "observer" type of person... I should do OK. At the least.
Just the thought of a tiny infant in my arms makes me smile. I love other peoples kids already sooo much... I can't imagine the joy of having my own. To have one who runs to my arms when they fall down and scrape their knee screaming "Mommy mommy!!!" And wrapping their little hands around my neck, burying their face into my shirt and crying while I hold them... it's such a special bond. I can't wait.
I just hope... I do hope I don't screw up. I also hope the man I marry (IF I ever get married)will love kids just as much as me...
and won't EVER leave me.
Random thoughts.